Erasing Dread and Anxiety: How Every Dollar in your Budget Can Bring Peace
Or: Water on the basement floor and how a 9-year-old reminds me of a few old lessons.
My 9-year-old walked into the front room with tears in her eyes.
I put my phone away – researching new washing machines – and with surprise asked, “Sweetie what’s going on?”
“Mom, it’s just that this is so much!”
“What is, baby?”
“The water on the basement floor! You don’t need it! You have so much on your plate with your new job, and Daddy’s out of town, and we can’t afford it.”
It was the last part that really caused me dismay. One of my great failings as a wife and mother is sometimes overemphasizing that we keep our financial situation purposefully tight – especially when I think whatever the girls want to spend money on is frivolous.
“Darling, we can afford it, why do you say that?”
“Well, if you have to buy a new washing machine, we’ll have to stop saving for the Lego trip to Denmark and…”
“Whoa!” I stopped her and pulled her to me. “Sweetie, hang on! You’re letting your imagination run away with you. Do I look upset?”
“Well…” She paused. “No. But you were upset.”
“Yes, that’s true. I was upset and surprised when I found the water on the floor because I didn’t know what was wrong, and I didn’t know how much it would cost to fix it. But I’m pretty sure it’s the washing machine, and I have a washing-machine-fixer guy who is great, and he’ll come and fix it. And if he can’t, we’ll buy a new one.”
She looked at me skeptically.
“Sweetie, when you and your sister want to get ice cream or a toy at the store and I say ‘we don’t have the money’ what I should say is ‘all the money we have is waiting in its line (she knows about our budgeting app) ready to do its job.’ I’ve given every dollar a job: sometimes it’s to sit and wait for a very short time, like when I say, “your job is for groceries.” But some of the dollars are waiting for a long time – those dollars are in line waiting to fix the washing machine, or the car, or pay for the garbage men. They wait sometimes a year to do their job!”
By this time, I was thrilled to share my budgeting philosophy, and she was quite bored. I cut to the chase.
“Honey, we have money waiting to fix the things that need to be fixed. I don’t want to buy a new washing machine right now, but if we have to, we will. And we’ll be just fine. And I won’t take money from the Denmark line, either.
“But mostly, honey, I want you to know that the reason I say, “we don’t have money for that,” isn’t because we don’t have money. We do. We have enough. It’s because I’ve put money away just for this reason, and I don’t want to spend the ‘fixing-things’ money on ice cream.”
She gave me a hug and – as a typical 9-year-old is inclined - moved immediately onto the next thing.
And there were two lessons I learned that day:
How I talk about money is important.
Like I said, I tend to speak about “not having money.” And I should always qualify that. I should always say, “I don’t want to spend the money we have on that.” Then my family and I can have a conversation about compromise. Because it’s our money. Not my money. Even though I manage the budget, the money in our budget is for the benefit of the 4 people who live in this house right now.
I’ve been trying to change my language from “I’m really cheap” to “I’m very intentional with our money.” This mind shift is incredibly important. If I’m cheap, I may try to cut corners, or push off needed medical appointments or purchases. However, if I’m intentional with my money, there’s a purpose for it, and the purpose of that money is to be a blessing in the future. Which brings me to the second lesson:
Putting a little money aside every month reduced my anxiety and frustration to almost zero.
Money can be something that brings a blessing or a curse. I listen to Dave Ramsey’s show often, and he talks about buying a house at the wrong time or taking on too much mortgage can end up being a curse instead of a blessing.
Embracing what is real – that there WILL be an appliance that breaks down, or that the car will need new brakes in the not-so-far future, or that the Amazon subscription payment comes around every year at the same time – and adjusting our choices today to acknowledge reality reduces anxiety in the future.
What if your money was working for you to reduce your anxiety? What would it be like to take a small crisis or a big inconvenience in stride – without wondering if there’s enough space on the credit cards to throw it on there?
It’s possible.
It takes little changes that doesn’t look like much, but over a long time the compounding interest of peace works in the same way that compounding interest of finance does: Maddeningly slow….until it is enormous peace.
Need help pursuing this desired peace? Tired of feeling dread every time a billing email or letter comes? Contact me to join group support or for individual sessions.
