The Emotional Side of Budgeting: Why It’s Not Just About Numbers
Part One: The War of the Heart
If budgeting were truly just a matter of math, everyone with a calculator would be a millionaire! The reason your spreadsheet fails isn’t a lack of reason and logic, but an unaddressed war of the heart. As rational as we are, our behavior is often anything but rational when it comes to money.
Many people around me are exceptionally bright, logical, and reasonable. When I explain what I do as a financial therapist, they are often bemused. I hear, “But if your clients know what they should do with their money, why don’t they?”
Part 1: The War of the Heart
Q: Isn’t budgeting just about math?
A: No. Financial health is a "war of the heart." We spend to mitigate or regulate our feelings, not because we can't do the math or are bad at planning.
Q: Why do I feel like a passive captive to my impulses?
A: Because the "roots" of our behavior are often hidden underground and entangled with our emotions.
The famous Nike tagline “Just Do It” pops immediately into my head. Have you ever known exactly what you should do financially (I’m looking at you, cold, busy, grocery store), but faced the split-second temptation of simply buying the thing to make your life easier? (Doordash is effortless!)
DoorDash, UberEats, and Amazon’s “Buy Now” button all capitalize on our urges to make life feel less stressful. Knowing the numbers doesn’t actually lead to us doing the math.
Your Budget is a Barometer and a Mirror of Your Heart
Many clients come to our first meeting with an accurate financial report. It looks backward and us shows where the money went. This is often helpful to see: What are the temptations?
But a budget is a plan. Setting out a plan—saying, “This is how much I usually spend at Target, and I’m going to set that aside at the expense of another goal I say I want”—is very painful. It forces you to come to reality with your actual behavior versus your declared values. You have to make a decision and stick to it.
This process forces a moment of reckoning. It exposes the gap between who we say we are and what our bank statements prove we value. Bridging that gap is where the real work of financial therapy begins.
Under the Surface: Identifying your Emotionally Triggers
So, why can’t we keep to the plan? The numbers are just the fruit on the tree—the roots are underground. They are hard to see, and often we don’t even know what they’re soaking up. Even more so, it’s difficult to realize how entangled those roots are until we start digging.
If you’ve ever wondered how you 'got there' despite your best intentions, we’re going to explore those roots next.
Next week: We’ll look at the specific external triggers and the deeply-ingrained internal negotiations we use to justify the drift away from our goals.
Ready to understand the motivations lying beneath the surface of your money?
Book a free intro call here.
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