The Importance of Changing your Context and Cues to Battle Impulsivity.
Recently, on the Dave Ramsey Show, a woman called in and her opening line was “I fell into a hole.” She reassured Ramsey that she listened to his principles, but it became clear quickly that she wished she were able to fully adhere to his principles more than she was actually following them.
Ramsey called her out immediately: “You’re going to keep doing the same crap.” And while he was more direct than a therapist would be, he was reflecting one of the maxims of professional therapists: “Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior.”
While this maxim can feel bleak, if we embrace the truth of it, it is the beginning of change.
If we don’t understand that behavioral habits are hard to break – REALLY hard to break – without changing our context and our cues (or triggers), we’ll continue doing the same behavior we’ve done in the past.
So the first thing the caller needed to embrace was the truth that her behavior wasn’t going to change without some significant alterations to her context, environment, and her triggers that caused her to grab the credit card.
The second, and more challenging portion of the call was as the caller detailed her husband’s spending behavior. She outlined how they had three cars, one of which was a new truck that he bought without her knowledge or approval.
I could imagine the fights they probably had. And whenever I listen to Ramsey, I always remind myself that “we’re only hearing one side of the story.” But as she continued discussing her situation, both George Kamel and Dave Ramsey reiterated, “You don’t have a debt problem, you have a marriage problem.”
I imagined what I would say to this couple if they were coming for financial coaching. And while there would be a multitude of topics we would have to discuss and work on regarding their marriage, the dynamics between them, and healthy relationships, there was one issue I would address that is true of everyone:
We can be either intentional with your resources (time and money) or we can be impulsive with them.
Ramsey commented, “The impulsiveness of this story just keeps circling back around.” The caller, sounding chagrined, agreed. She knew he was right.
How impulsive are you? Sometimes impulsiveness doesn’t seem as though it’s a big deal. The impulse might be “I’ll add the guac” to your mountain of Mexican food. It might be throwing that extra shirt or pants into the cart and hitting “1 click” on Amazon. (By the way, businesses love it when we’re impulsive! They get our money, and we get the problem of debt later!)
But with each thoughtless purchase, we dig ourselves a little deeper into the pit of debt.
And to that point, Ramsey told the caller that she couldn’t save her family by herself, that they had to work together. George Kamel jumped in with “You’ve got a shovel, he’s got a bulldozer.” I imagined the husband with a backhoe, just digging them into debt, and the wife throwing in shovelful after shovelful, trying to fill the debt pit back up.
It reminded me that I can’t outrun/out-exercise a bad (high caloric) diet. Both health and finances require restriction in order for you to get ahead.
In one of my recent entries, I discussed my attempt to change my language from “I’m cheap” to “I’m intentional.” It isn’t only to make myself feel better about not spending on things that I deem unimportant. When I take on the identity of an intentional spender, I am less likely to think of myself as impulsive. And a purposeful person thinks differently about the urges and desires to spend that arise when they feel frustrated or distressed.
In Atomic habits, James Clear says, ““Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”
Becoming an intentional person with money doesn’t happen all at once. In fact, regarding the Ramsey caller, I think she wanted a silver bullet of an answer to her problem. She was hoping Dave would say, “Oh, just do this. Cut up the credit cards.” But Dave actually was right to point the finger at her behavior – we often think that it would be easier for us to do the right thing if someone else changed. But we must vote for the kind of person we want to become each day – and part of that means starting with our own thinking and behavior.
So how can we become less impulsive? Here are only a few ideas.
Identify the cues (Triggers) that lead you to buying impulsively.
Is it a sense of “I deserve this”? perhaps you think you work hard so you deserve the things you want.
Are you bored, tired, lonely, angry? Do you shop to fill an emotional need?
Do you think you’re being kind to or helping your family?
Some people won’t spend on themselves, but they get the kick of dopamine just the same if they buy extra, unnecessary things for their family, children or grandchildren.
Delay purchases
If you know your cue – let’s take emotional spending as an example – allowing time to pass will also allow the emotions to pass.
Check your budget daily.
This may sound ridiculous, but the more you track your behavior and note the positive changes (or even the negative ones!) the more you’re likely to stay on track. When you realize you don’t have any money in the ‘household’ fund or the ‘eating out’ fund you’re more likely to moderate your behavior and either forgo the purchase all together, or make a measured decision.
I’m confident you know what to do. But do you need help with applying these good ideas, or being accountable to yourself and your goals? Contact me here. I’d love to help.
