The Answers to Emotional Spending: Rethink, Reframe, and Reclaim Your Money
Today, we’re concluding this mini-series on why emotions are stronger than math. In Part I (The War of the Heart) We identified the real problem, and in Part II (The 5 Emotional Traps) we identified some truly difficult temptations we all face in one way or another. Now I’ll give your a way to rethink and reframe the challenges we face as we pursue financial health - So you can reclaim the money that so easily flies out of your bank account.
Moving from Restriction to Stewardship
How do you find comfort when you can’t spend money to regulate our emotions?
Reframe and Shift Your Mindset
Change your language from “I can’t afford this” to “I am being intentional with my money” or “I’m choosing something better for my future.” Our money scripts are like deep, well-trodden paths in a forest. Changing the way we think is the starting point for changing how we behave.
Building Resilience through Boundaries
Setting hard lines in the budget is an act of strength, not a punishment. It is discipline. No one likes discipline in the moment, but it creates a healthy sense of self and we see our competency. Setting a boundary is like doing daily "reps" with light weights; it builds the habit of discipline before the heavy lifting begins.
Imagine the relief of:
Saving for an out-of-town trip with your spouse so there are no arguments or stress when you return.
Paying off that smallest debt and never having to think about it again.
Having a dedicated emergency fund so a broken water heater results in calm reassurance rather than a panicked credit card swipe.
Practical Strategies for Emotional Discipline
Identify and Map your Triggers: Habits are formed because they are so ingrained that we don’t even think about them. The cue (I’m stressed), Routine (I make dinner easier by ordering out), and reward (hot, cheesy pizza or salty, warm fries without even leaving my house) process is so fast, we don’t even recognize what’s happened until we’re frustrated with the cost of the UberEats and our scale or tight pants. The Very First Step is to notice your emotional triggers.
The 24-Hour Cooling-Off Period: For expensive buys, wait 24 hours. For smaller impulses like DoorDash, ask: would I pay $64 for this if I were standing at the counter in person?
Pivot Instead of Giving In: When the temptation hits (mine is tortilla chips), utilize a distraction or coping mechanism that works for you. You cannot just avoid a negative coping mechanism; you must replace it. If your "root" is emotional discomfort, have a pre-planned Pivot. When the impulse hits, have a plan to do something that works: a 10-minute walk, a specific podcast, or calling a loved one to connect. Solve the emotional need without using the financial tool.
Address the Fear of Scarcity: If you’re "squirreling" money away but never enjoying it, use your budget as an objective tool to show you that you are more secure than you feel.
Make it Hard - Remove Frictionless Spending: In Atomic Habits, James Clear says to make the good habit easy, and make the habit you want to break hard. Make breaking your budget “hard” by deleting apps that make it “easy” for your money to fly away. Disable "One-Click" ordering and remove your saved credit card info from your favorite retail sites. Adding the manual step of typing in your card numbers creates a "speed bump" that forces you to move from passive observer back to active steward.
The Values Check-In: Before you buy something, take a breath and ask: "Does this purchase reflect what I’ve said to be important to me?" We all have wishes for financial peace or better health, but wishing doesn't change our reality. Stewardship is the active work of aligning your spending with the person you are becoming, rather than the impulse you are feeling in the moment.
Building financial resilience looks different when you are the sole decision-maker. Read my specific guide on Money Therapy On Your Own to help bridge that gap.
Perception vs. Reality
Ultimately, our perception is rarely reality. Our views are clouded by emotions. The reality is that we often overestimate the long-term happiness a purchase will bring and underestimate the lasting stress of a depleted savings account. That "emotional need" is often just a temporary biological glitch, not a permanent reality.
The other perception we struggle with is that we can do this on our own—that if we just swim harder against the current, we'll eventually reach the shore. But a budget crisis is often like a financial riptide. If you try to fight the current with logic alone, you'll only end up exhausted.
Sometimes, the most logical thing you can do is the "illogical" move: swimming parallel to the shore by seeking professional help to change your direction. If you feel like you’re treading water, you can read my full breakdown of how to escape the current here: From Drowning to Direction: How Financial Therapy Transforms Your Relationship with Money
Next Steps
Perhaps you see yourself a little bit in these words, but these examples aren’t exactly your specific experience. If you’re facing unique financial challenges, let’s discuss your situation. Together, we can make a plan for you to be emotionally secure and financially sound in the year ahead.
Ready to make your money healthier than you thought could be possible?
Book a free intro call here.
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