When We Don’t Pay Attention
Recently, George Kamel and John Delony of the Ramsey Show received a call from a woman who said she (and her husband) were $555,000 in debt. The faces of both George and John registered disbelief, and they struggled to wrap their minds around how it had happened – which led George to ask that very question.
“Oh, you know,” she replied, somewhat chagrined. “You make good money, and you stop paying attention. You feel invincible.”
Lately, it seems that paying attention is both an incredibly important – and often neglected – skill.
Another (much smaller!) example is from my own life: A couple of weeks ago, I ordered groceries for the week. I was in a real rush and had put nearly all the groceries away before I remembered I hadn’t seen or put away an item I needed for that evening. I looked through the dwindling bags and couldn’t find it. As I looked for it and checked my order, I realized nearly $25 of groceries never made it to my door. Of course, the store refunded my money immediately. But I was still rushing to my next commitment! I had to put a reminder on my phone to be sure to circle back and report I hadn’t actually gotten what they had sent, and I didn’t get to it for a few hours.
And the moment stuck with me. How many people don’t pay attention to that “one bag” of groceries? If that happens three times in 6 months, that’s $75! How much money gets lost simply because we’re not mindful of what is supposed to be in front of us?
As I listen to finance shows – especially those that help people with their debt or comment on building wealth – it surprises me how many people can’t tell the hosts what they spent on groceries or utilities, how much is in their retirement, or how much the interest rate on that credit card is, etc. And I don’t think it’s because the callers are dumb.
I think there are two reasons people don’t know: 1) they’re just not paying attention to that part of their lives, and other things are capturing their focus. Or 2) they’re legitimately afraid. Their stomach drops when they think about it.
One of my favorite podcasters/coaches says, “Look, Look, always Look.” As an expert in decluttering, she tells her clients to look because there’s a sense of dread or avoidance in addressing it (usually a box that’s been sitting in a closet for 7 or 8 years). But I think this is such a good life motto. It’s true here, too, in financial therapy.
Look. Always Look.
How much are you paying in student loan interest? Look at it.
How much did that last-minute brunch with drinks cost? Look.
How much will it really cost to move to that new house? (And, let’s be honest, furnish it? And also, what are you paying in ways that aren’t financial?)
What are you really committing to?
Often, we close our eyes and think “Things will figure themselves out.” The apprehension of feeling anxiety, fear, or disappointment stops us from looking at the reality of our situation. Or even making a plan for it.
I call this “ostriching.” Sticking our heads in the figurative sand. It’s avoiding the reality of the situation because of the dread of the unknown or anticipating that the situation will be too much or too hard.
Most of the time, when we look (and honestly, get our minds wrapped around all the details), the fear recedes. We see what IS and not what might be. Often, we can quickly see what easy thing we can do to reduce the pressure on ourselves.
Sometimes seeing what IS does result in knowing that hard work is ahead of you. This is true.
But we have to Look. We have to pay attention.
And then – take a step forward.
Hopefully with someone alongside you.
If you need someone to help you along the path, contact me!
