Taking Steps Forward: Moving Towards Change.
Do not merely listen to the word – do what it says.
I recently contacted my good friend, whose husband is a successful podcaster and author. Her husband has graciously given me advice on moving forward as a financial therapist in the online world, especially setting up my website, newsletter, and social media. I’m struggling with a part of my website, and so I asked her first to gauge how much time I was taking of his, and if it was over the top.
“Oh! He doesn’t mind at all!” she responded. “Just, whatever you do, take his advice. There’s nothing more frustrating for him for people to ask for help and then not do what he says.”
In counseling, there is often a tension between two purposes of therapy: One purpose is to listen to the feelings and emotions being expressed, analyze the relational dynamics being observed, and hopefully help the person come to an understanding – an “ah-ha!” moment.
Another purpose is to help the person change. There are some counselors out there that shy away from encouraging the person to change (under the idea that “acceptance is the better part of love”), but if the client wants counseling, they inherently know that either the situation needs to change or they themselves need to change. Usually, in my observation, change on one side of the equation impacts change on the other.
But herein lies the idea for today: As I thought about what I would have done differently years ago as a new therapist, I would have been more courageous about assigning homework, being clear about the purpose of the homework, and holding myself to also doing the homework alongside the client. I would do this in order to have helped my clients not only understand the why they were doing what they were doing (the emotionally-focused part of therapy) but also how they could change – behavior changes that would have a positive and immediate impact on their life.
The saying at the top of this post is from the Bible. It is clear in its directive, but as I think through the lens of encouragement (or affirmation in today’s vernacular) vs behavior change, it hits as a particularly insightful comment.
Because as we sit with our advisor or counselor, it’s easy to merely listen to what they are saying; to what they’re helping us understand. It’s easy to feel the encouragement, the warmth and the affirmation.
Merely listening will not do the changing. Merely listening will not change the circumstances or ourselves.
We must do it, as Nike so famously coined.
So, as hard as it is to take the next step your therapist, coach, or advisor says, do not merely listen to their encouragement. Don’t simply ask for help and then not move upon it.
Take the step. As hard as it is.
As unfun as it is. (Most steps forward are good, but not fun).
Those little steps change you, and will also change your circumstances – if for no other reason than your perspective on your circumstances will change.
Wondering how to figure out your next step? You can read more here, where I’ve written a post outlining how to plan your goals and dreams. Or, you can always contact me for one on one help.
