Single and Strong: Building Financial Stability When You're On Your Own
TLDR
Q: How can I gain confidence and control if I’m newly responsible for my financial life?
A: The freedom of solo earning means you can determine 100% of your priorities. By establishing consistent money rituals, building a protective emergency fund, and getting proactive support, you replace the heaviness of self-doubt and anxiety with the clarity and self-confidence needed to secure your financial future.
The Emotional Weight of Single Responsibility and Decision Fatigue
With high divorce rates and people waiting longer to marry for the first time, it seems many of us spend more time single than married. Perhaps you're navigating a divorce, finding yourself single for longer than you anticipated, or, even more challenging, you've lost your spouse after a long marriage.
Regardless of why you're solo, managing finances can be incredibly challenging. You might feel like you have no fallback or safety net, especially if you're newly divorced. The pressure of every financial decision rests squarely on your shoulders, and you might even be struggling with decision fatigue. It's common to experience worry, uncertainty, a sense of heaviness, or isolation because there's no one there with you in the daily struggle.
You might experience worry, uncertainty, a heaviness—or just a quiet loneliness—because you don’t have anyone beside you in the day-to-day financial struggle.
I was single for over a decade before meeting my husband. My family was also dealing with the aftermath of my dad's chronic illness, so I couldn't depend on him for wise financial direction anymore. Or maybe you're a senior woman who is recently divorced or widowed. While many people want what's best for you, you might not feel like you have that one person you truly trust to advise you in your best interest.
Another reason finances can feel overwhelming is that, if you're divorced or widowed, your spouse may have handled most or all of the financial details. For those who are single because their spouse passed away, taking control of their finances can be an additional layer of grief to bear. In the case of divorce, money might have been a major source of conflict, and while you may feel gratified to control your own funds, you might still feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of financial information you now need to manage.
The Myth of Needing a Spouse to Be Financially Secure
Why does this myth persist? Let's be honest: statistically, married couples often build wealth more quickly. Two incomes, shared expenses, and certain tax benefits make a measurable difference.
But this doesn't mean that because you're single, you're doomed. Here's what's also true: Many couples are financially stressed, burdened by debt, or working against each other's money goals. Marriage or living together doesn't guarantee financial peace, and often, relational and emotional challenges add complications.
Solo earners have the ability to make all the decisions – and even though that can feel overwhelming, you also can determine your priorities.
Solo earners have the ability to make all the decisions – and even though that can feel overwhelming, you also can determine your priorities. You won't spend time negotiating or arguing over how you're going to spend your finances, nor will you deal with the consequences of someone else's financial baggage.
If you're building financial stability on your own, you need a specialized approach. My full guide on money therapy for singles covers the entire emotional and practical roadmap.
Habits That Build Financial Stability On Your Own
It's not exciting, but the most important thing anyone can do is establish consistent money rituals: budget check-ins, bill reviews, and journaling about emotional triggers around money.
Build a Meaningful Emergency Fund
Because you're on your own, you need to know there's a cushion when you need it. Keep your systems and apps simple – use YNAB or Every Dollar, create sinking funds (or "wish farms"), and, if it works for you, set up auto-saving, auto-pays, and calendar alerts for bills. CAREFUL! If your bank account is close to empty, ensure you're not allowing auto-deductions that could lead to overdraft fees.
Get Support Early
To create financial stability, it's imperative to get support early.
Financial therapy or coaching is far more effective as a proactive intervention rather than a reactive decision. You'll never regret asking for help before your finances spin out of control.
A friend recently told me that, after her divorce, she realized her biggest problem wasn't only that she wasn't making a lot of money, but that she had money leaking – little expenditures here and there that didn't bring her lasting contentment, joy, or forward progress. It wasn't until she tracked her finances and knew just how much she was spending on "money leaks" that she felt a sense of control and clarity.
Emotional Spending vs. Priorities-Aligned Spending
One temptation we all feel is to spend money when we're lonely or bored. Retail therapy is an anytime temptation now, especially when we've stayed up too late due to digital retail. Not to mention ordering DoorDash or UberEats late at night because you're feeling sad and lonely. Emotional spending is often impulsive.
In the therapy world, we're always conscious of the "HALT" principle. We encourage people to avoid making decisions when they are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. This is an even better application for financial decisions.
Another great option is to redefine "treating yourself." If you treat yourself too often, your brain doesn't understand it to be a treat, but rather a demand, creating a cycle of dopamine or serotonin chasing. Instead of treating yourself because you feel low, sad, lonely, or upset, choose a hard thing that you don't feel like doing (such as exercising, cleaning the bathroom, or paying that bill that's hanging over your head) to connect the reward to an accomplishment, instead of connecting the reward to simply feeling down or upset.
If you treat yourself every time you feel low, your brain stops recognizing it as a treat and starts demanding it as a fix.
You'll always experience negative feelings throughout your life. Treating yourself because of your feelings, and not a positive action or accomplishment, will only create a doom cycle of chasing a good feeling by buying a treat, and it won't give you enduring peace or financial stability.
A client recently shared that she disconnected her PayPal account from her online purchases because of a compromised account. She said she was shocked at how she stopped making impulse purchases now that it's more difficult to enter payment information – as opposed to simply clicking a "pay with" button when it's late at night and she's feeling bored.
One challenge I'd give is to look over your last month's purchases and make a note of each, determining whether it was emotionally fueled or if it was a purchase that moved you closer to your goals or reflected your financial priorities. This is a great idea regardless of your marital status!
Visualize Your Safe, Secure Future
It can be easy to catastrophize the future, and even easier to do that if you have a scarcity mindset, which is often a way that those who grew up poor and couldn't depend on financial stability from their family view finances. "What if I lose my job?" "What if I get sick?" "What if I'm old and alone?" are all fear-fueled questions that can haunt every one of us. Recently, a friend said to me, "I just feel as though we'll never get out of this money pit (their home) and we'll always have this albatross around our neck." I pointed out that her feelings indicated the importance of the issue to her, but that they don't accurately predict the future.
Feelings signal what matters to us—but they don’t predict the future.
And as a believer in Jesus Christ, I would encourage you to first address the fears that stem from not thinking about his deep goodness and his eternal presence. Many of our fears will be reduced when we truly embrace his love and acknowledge that what he has planned for us is for our good, and not for our harm. And although we suffer in this life, he also has suffered, and he knows better than anyone what we're going through. If you anchor your personal well-being and safety in Christ, you'll be able to anchor your financial safety in him as well.
Conclusion: Grounding Yourself for a Healthy Financial Future
1. Acknowledge the Hard Truth, Then Step Forward
Yes—being on your own financially is harder. There’s no shame in saying that. It often takes more intention, more organization, and more emotional stamina. But that difficulty doesn’t mean defeat. It just means you’ll need to build muscles others might not even realize they’re not using.
2. Use Conflict, Loss, or Loneliness as a Catalyst for Clarity
Whether you’re rebuilding after a divorce, grieving a spouse, or simply facing the daily grind of life on your own, let this be the moment you shift from survival mode into strategy. Financial strain often mirrors emotional wounds, especially around safety, security, or unresolved conflict. Don’t be afraid to explore those roots with support.
3. Pack Your Toolbox
One of my favorite sayings is, "Parents pack a child's toolbox first." But we need community and churches to add to our emotional and relational toolbox. So, being solo doesn’t mean doing it all alone. A therapist, coach, financial advisor, or a set of trustworthy friends can help you sort through overwhelm and offer clarity when you’re stuck in your head. Conflict resolution isn’t just something you need with other people. Sometimes you need to reconcile the conflict you have within yourself: between your fears and your goals, your past and your future.
4. Take One Small, Brave Step
Review your spending. Reach out for help. Set a reminder for a weekly money check-in. Add to your emergency fund. Choose a form of "treating yourself" that comes after doing something hard. It doesn’t have to be huge steps forward—just faithful ones.
5. Anchor Your Financial Future in Someone Deeper
If you belong to Christ, you are never alone. Your safety doesn’t rise or fall with a paycheck or a relationship status. And your future isn’t left to chance. It’s in the hands of a good God, who loves you and never lets you go.
So plan wisely. Ask for help. Stay grounded. And walk forward knowing your future can be healthy, hopeful, and whole.
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